The Leadership Secrets of Vladimir Putin

While many dismiss him as a paranoid, poisoned dwarf, there is much we can learn from Putin’s leadership style. Especially for those of us thinking of invading a small country or starting a coup in some African nation.

1. Eliminate your opposition by jailing them or killing them, so there will be no one left to question your decisions. Let’s face it we all hate those pesky people who disagree with our superior ideas so let’s just get rid of them. Just think of the fun you will have coming up with new ways to eliminate them like poison umbrella tips, perfume bottles filled with anthrax, or shark-infested swimming pools; the possibilities are endless.

2. Surround yourself with a small circle of Yes men, so it shields you from the reality of the world outside of your palace. No one likes the reality of how small and insignificant we all are in the universe, so just shut it out and create your own virtual reality. It is so much nicer when everyone agrees with you no matter what lunatic ideas you come up with.

3. Being paranoid helps keep you alive. Make all visitors self-isolate for 14 days before meeting you to ensure they don’t have covid. Then, shower them in disinfectant and make them walk through an ultraviolet tunnel to make sure they are carrying no other germs. Don’t shake hands and have them sit at the opposite end of…